should have been a twin

When I first got a positive pregnancy test with Monkey, hubs and I both thought that maybe it could be twins. At 8 weeks I had an ultrasound and the first thing I asked the tech was "how many are in there?" well you all know there was just one little crazy monkey but 2 years later I still wish he was a twin. We even had 2 boy names picked out it would have been great. The unused name is on the docket for jelly bean ;)

I know it would be hard for the obvious twin reasons, 2 babies and ONE mama. Both infants crying at the same time, both poopy or hungry at the same time. 2 kids to juggle out in public and so on. He was hard enough that I feel like I could have handled it. Plus I had more than enough milk to go around I could have happily nursed 2 babies.

He is just not happy alone, ever. He doesnt read alone, play alone, color alone, or anything. He is never in a room alone for more than a minute til he has to come find me. If he has a friend over or I am watching baby J he is totally fine! It is exhausting him needing me to be touching him at all times and completely involved in whatever he is doing or him "helping" me with whatever. I wish he just had a buddy his age to play with and to keep him company. I know that at 2 they wouldnt really play TOGETHER but just having someone else in the house would change up our mix a bit.

I think he would have slept better as an infant. I would have kept them in the same bed as long as possible, he always loved someone to cuddle with. As he got older he could have a sibling to stare at from the bumbo seat and to roll around on the floor with.

I am so excited that we are having another boy. It will be a while before they can really enjoy each others company but I think Jelly Bean will like watching Ryan run around and play and he is going to love having someone to show his toys too (but that wont take them away for a while) I could NEVER imagine having only one child. It would be so lonely for them growing up! I am ready for this baby to get here and I hope to have lots more after him!

I know its not good to dwell on "what isnt" but its been on my mind forever and just wanted to get it out. I know moms of twins are probably rolling their eyes right now but be nice. I know my kid and I know it would have been good. But I also believe in God and know that He knows what He is doing when He sends babies to this house and its the way it is supposed to be.