first day of school

I can tell you all about the first day of school. I can tell you how the night before he said he was "widdy nerbus mom" and how we said a special prayer that he would be brave and excited. I can tell you how he didnt want to get out of bed that morning and yet somehow we arrived early. And how when I picked him up he was grinning from ear to ear.

 I will let the video show the rest.




When we got there he hung out by the door for a while until Miss Kim showed him his cubby with a yellow shark name tag, that won him over. Then he found some toys to play with while they waited for the other kids. I told him I was going to leave and he looked up and said "goodbye mama!" No tears, no screaming, no breath holding, no anxiety attack.... just goodbye mama. I let out a huge sigh of relief and skipped back to the car with a smile on my face. Not because I was ready to be rid of him for 2 hours but because I was SO gosh darn proud of how mature he seemed and how safe and happy he felt in that environment. I said a prayer of thanks on the way home.

I somehow cleaned my whole house while he was gone, went to the bank and still arrived 15 minutes early. It gave me some time to regroup in my car before the excitement of pick up.

I walked in and was greeted with the biggest smile you've ever seen, he was eager to show me his work book and picture he colored of me. He loved preschool and cant wait to go back!

He answered some questions on his about me page:

Name- Ryan
Age- 3
Favorite sport- basketball
Favorite color- yellow
Favorite movie- Toy Story
I like to collect- blocks
My dream vacation- to the beach   (so my kid)

At school he really liked dancing, counting fuzzy balls, snack time, and singing the gabba song (still trying to figure out what song he is talking about)

I let him choose where we ate lunch and of course he picked Red Robin. 2 kids by myself was madness but I loved every minute. I am so happy and so proud of my big boy!

end of summer. almost.

I woke up and checked my instagram feed just like I do every morning, you never know who of my friends had a baby over night after all. Today caught me off guard because all my Utah and Idaho friends were getting their littles off to the first day of school! We are still soaking up summer days here, and will for a little while longer. 

12 days to be exact. 12 more days of lazy mornings, breakfast at 10am, and swimming in the pool in our underwear in the afternoon- Ryan, not me I swear. 12 more days for Ryan to be my little toddler and not a school attending, big kid. 

I know it is only preschool but I am sure I will feel the same way Kelle did here.

I can tell you're nervous. I am too. And I have replayed in my mind so many times what tomorrow will look like. I want you to be happy. I want you to run into that classroom and feel the opportunity that exists between those walls, in those books, through those friends. You might not feel it right away, and that's hard for me. Because I won't be there to hold your hand when you're feeling a little bit insecure, reminding you of your strengths and the happiness that exists around you. 

So for now I am planning on soaking up every last minute of summer break before the structure of fall beckons us. We have more farmers markets to attend, more bubbles to blow, more otter pops to eat, and more sidewalk chalk to dissolve in the pool  color with. 

This crazy baby with his manly eye brows and all, is going to miss his sidekick big time. They really are best friends.

He started cutting his top teeth this week and decided that he is okay with breastfeeding again, yay!

on preschool

This crazy kid starts preschool in 17 days. Someone hold me now. I swear I blinked for a second because I feel like it was yesterday that I held him for the first time. But then again, I cant remember what my life was like without him. I thought I knew what love was, I thought I knew pure joy. Nothing compares to being a mom. It may be the hardest thing I have ever done but by far the most rewarding.

Because every morning I am greeted with this sweet face and a kiss on the cheek saying "good morning mama" So now becomes the hard part about being a blog mom. There comes a day when talking about my kid's bathroom habits and freely sharing embarrassing comments and ridiculous tantrums needs to halt. He is not a baby anymore and I would never want him to look back and be embarrassed by the things I say and share about him as a big kid. He is growing up so fast and I would never want his teachers or his friends parents to look at him differently because of something they read here.

I will still tell stories, I will still post pictures and share funny sweet things he says to me. But we are going to make a shift. There will be a little more Weston and a little less Ryan, but I still love them both the same.

So like I said, he is starting preschool soon. I am so excited and ready for this phase of our lives. We have had a great, but very challenging few years under our belts and I am looking forward to the time apart where he can grow and learn how to be independent and I can dote over West more than I am able to now.

Preschool was something I never ever thought I would do. We are still planning on homeschooling after all. So how does that fit in to the equation? One of my best girl friends has an in home preschool. 10 kids, 2 teachers, both of which I know and we have the same religious beliefs. Not that I am against any other faiths at all or that faith will be taught in his school- but I know for sure that we are on the same wave length and have the same out look on life. We operate under the same set of inspired guidelines. I do not give trust to others easily when it comes to the care of my children and the thought of them being away from me terrifies me-- unless that complete trust is there. I know I can trust his teachers and the home he will be in to be a safe, uplifting environment. That is worth every penny on the planet to me.

He is going 2 days a week for 3 hours. During that time I am planning on playing with Weston, going grocery shopping when the sun is still up (I seriously go at 10pm) and being able to schedule photo shoots and run my business so that when hubs is home we can actually have some time as a family to relax and play. I am also going to start researching home school curriculum options. I have 2 years before we start but I want to get a heads up and really have a plan set in stone.

He is a pretty smart cookie going into this. He knows all his letters and most of the sounds they make, all his colors, shapes, understands the jist of basic addition and subtraction and can recognize a few words. I am so excited for all the things he is going to learn and the new friends he will meet.

I am very, very nervous as to how he will react that first few days when I drop him off. He still cries so hard he turns purple most weeks when I take him to his class at church- which we go to every sunday and hes been in the same class for a year. He is going to lose it and I feel so bad. It's not that he is just naughty and doesnt want to go. He is literally terrified and you can see the sheer panic gloss over his eyes. I can feel his brain ticking a million miles a minute- he starts to sweat and his heart races. Then the begging to stay with him and hold him while is clammy palms grip my shirt in desperation. I hate it when my kids feel anything negative, they have a whole lifetime of that, lets not have it when they are 3. Ugh that will be hard. But there will be more good than bad, I have to remind myself of this.

In other news- I feel the urge to go school clothes shopping. Have you looked at Gap lately?!