Monday, September 5, 2011

ebb and flow

"to decrease and then increase, as with tides; a decrease followed by an increase, as with tides."

Its ebb and flow over here, just when I start to fill the good mom side of the scale the other side tries piling up as quickly as it can. I usually have a stash of pictures just sitting there in their folder waiting for a night like this when I just need to type away for a while with no real path way to follow. Its nice to break up the rambling of my heart with some sweet faced smiling little boy, or bare feet in the grass but tonight its just me and some words baby. 

I have big dreams for these two boys of mine. I want big things for them. Not to full fill any need of my own but to see them suck every minute up they can of this big thing called life. I want to see them go through with minimal regrets, with scars that tell stories, and with memories burned so clearly in their minds that they share them with their grandchildren on a porch swing 60 years from now. I want them to have a passion for life and a fire in their souls. 

I want them to be best friends. I have been watching Ryan play with his cousins this week and he loves them so much. He walks around holding baby K's hand and tries to keep up with older cousin C. He sits still on the couch and holds the other baby K while giving her sweet soft kisses. He will be the best big brother. At this moment baby brother is kicking away with gusto. I like to think he's agreeing with me. My boys love each other already. Today Ryan sat on the couch and felt the kicks of his brother while we watched sesame street. He gets it, he really does. Thats his baby in there. 

I hope they grow up leaning on each other and the Lord. I hope they have an inseparable bond that gets them both though the times when mom and dad arent enough or arent around. That they can truly be an anchor for the other. So now the daunting task of making sure that happens or trying my darnest to see it through. How do I instill in my sons the important title that is "brother" and being part of something greater than yourself... being a part of a family unit that is forever. 
okay I found a picture via
Any advice is much appreciated because I doubt myself. I doubt my abilities to raise stellar sons in this crazy world we are apart of. I do have big dreams but I need big plans to make sure they fall into place. I know my heart can hold enough love to tackle these two boys, but is there enough of me? Is there enough hours in the day and enough energy in my body to make it happen? 

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