#goodchoicejar

Do you guys ever feel like you are totally dropping the parenting ball? I do, a lot, usually every day around 4:30 when both kids start completely melting into emotional messes.

I will admit I resort to raising my voice more often than I should... even spanking (and the crowd goes silent while someone throws rotten food at me) I refuse to raise entitled brats as brash as that sounds. I have spent my fair share around kids and teenagers the last few years and it is a sad scary thing to witness. I want my kids to have good manners, respect their elders for the sole fact that they are older than them, freely serve others, and understand that their actions big and small effect everyone around them.

I want them to make good choices because obedience makes them happy and they like feeling good about it and not out of fear of the consequences from poor choices. I can dream that they will clean their rooms because they it makes them feel peaceful and relaxed after not because they will be grounded or have their phone taken away if they don't.... a mom can dream right?

So we have started the Good Choice Jar. We had a little family meeting about it tonight- the plan is for me and hubs to keep a few in our pockets or near by throughout the day, if we see Ryan making "a good choice" like clearing his plate, helping Weston, playing nicely, getting his shoes on without a fight, or even flushing the toilet he gets a marble to put in the jar. I will be handing them out in abundance the first bit to get the momentum going, anything I see that is positive gets rewarded! There are 2 reward levels, half full and full. Ryan decided on what he wants for each and is stoked, he already earned 4 tonight.

I think it will also be good for ME as a mom to look for the good things during my day, and when things are really hard I can see the jar and think of all the awesome moments we had instead of dwelling on the bad. I pray it will change my view of parenting these littles. I know I will have to focus more on them to notice the good and I hope to give at least 10 marbles out tomorrow.

We have set some strict rules for ourselves as parents because we want the jar to be solely positive, remember making good choices because he WANTS too. No threatening "if you don't do this you won't get a marble..." or taking them away for bad behavior. Sure the bad stuff will still be punished with timeouts and losing other privileges like always but I want to shift the focus to rewarding GOOD behavior. Kids want attention regardless so let's give them way more attention for good than bad and hopefully if will shift overall behavior. Right....? Maybe....?

I posted on Instagram about it and people seemed pretty excited so I am using the #goodchoicejar if you decide to do it with your kids use it too! I can follow it on IG or twitter, it will be fun to watch. I will update with my progress as well.

wish us luck!

I packed away the toys

I recently came across an article entitled "Why I took all my kid's toys away (and why I wont give them back)" and it really resonated with me.

While we don't have nearly the amount of toys as other families, we still have far more than we need. My kids (Ryan in particular) are overwhelmed by it all and actually don't PLAY with any of it. The things we do have are organized into baskets or tubs and they just dump it all out, throw things at each other and then cry when they step on something hard. After that fun is done they whine at my feet that they are bored.

Ryan has even told me before that he is done with toys, they are for babies and Weston can just have them! I can't remember the last time he actually played with or did anything with the toys in our house.

He spends his day at my side, doing what I do. He helps me cook, do dishes, grocery shop, plays on the computer, or watches a movie. He loves "activity" type things like games, puzzles, crafts, play dough.. those are my saving grace!

I was at my wits end for sure. I was sick of the messes, the complaining, and wasting money trying to buy things I think they would like. I told friends and family not to get toys for any holidays! For Easter he got glow sticks, a book, and bubbles and it was perfect. For birthdays I am requesting books and craft supplies.

Anyway, back to the TOY issue. In a fit of rage (okay just a really frustrating day) I got a huge tub and packed away 80% of the toys and donated a ton of barely used toys and old books to our church nursery. I kept out a few "sets" of things, including the only thing that kind of gets played with- a small tub of kids meal toy type things.

So far they havent complained once, the house stays cleaner and when they open the toy cabinets they are not overwhelmed. I slowly started getting out one thing at a time from the packed away stash. Yesterday it was the kitchen and play food. Today it was the trains. You guys, they actually PLAYED with them, and for a while too! It was nuts. I was happily surprised by it. And the second they get bored and move on we clean it up together. I also noticed that Ryan can clean up MUCH easier. Even with it being organized before he had an impossible time cleaning up simply because it was just too much for him to take in. When nothing else is out, it was easy for him AND Weston to put all the trains in this one tub right here. And they did it happily.

I am happy with the choice we made to simplify our life a bit. Society makes it seem like we have to buy our kid's love, we have to have the latest toy revolving around whatever favorite tv show of the moment (we did it with power rangers, no judgement here) I also know that I get excited over new toys and want to buy it all for my kids. News flash- THEY DON'T NEED IT. Raise your hands if your kids play longer with an empty cardboard box than anything else! Yeah, us too.  Just say it with me "no more toys."

follow us on IG @lauren_alberts 

living with purpose

Wow, never in my blogging life have I had a lull like the last... oh, 5 months or so. I just kept saying that I had writers block or didn't know what to write about, or even just checking in saying "we are still alive, here is a picture." 

Hard truth is, there were things I couldn't really talk about, and I knew if I sat down at the keyboard that it would be a huge fight with myself to not just write my brains out. I wanted to scream from the roof tops what I was going through because somehow that helps. Maybe its that the weight of it isn't on my shoulders anymore and out there in the open, or its the validation I receive. No Lauren, you aren't crazy and yes your feelings matter... I don't know. So instead of writing about light hearted, happy things I just stopped all together. 

And because I know you are wondering... it's marriage and its impossibly difficult.

But I messed up. I shouldn't have stopped. I should have kept writing. I was missing moments in my kids lives, I wasn't capturing their growth and their deepening bond for one another. While I was sitting over here in my corner licking my proverbial wounds they were out there living life and blossoming. I know that sounds weird- that I was missing moments. But let me tell you something about myself. When I blog regularly and keep my camera close I am a better person. It makes me live intentionally. Moments aren't staged so I can photograph and write about them, everything happens naturally... but I am forced to notice them. To stop and take in the scene and appreciate the little moments and the beauty that is this life. 

"One of my favorite things about photography: that moment of "church" at my desk when I'm editing photos-- given the chance to stare at a moment for much longer than it actually lasted. Noticing things that might have been ignored. seeing the people and things I love with a different perspective. The art of picture-taking has truly made me a more observant, grateful, life-loving human. Amen."  

- Kelle Hampton

So I was just living hour by hour, waiting for the next nap or bed time. I wasn't taking it in, I wasn't letting my kids mold me and change me. I was just stuck, frozen in my frustration and pain. I couldn't see past it. Before you get worried, I still took care of them. They were fed, bathed, cuddled, driven to activities, and played with. But I was an empty shell. My body went through the motions, my face smiled and my eyes lit up for them all while I was crying inside. It was exhausting keeping up with both sides. The inside and the out.I guess I am sitting here and nothing has noticeably changed but in my heart I am striving too.

In February and March I took maybe 5 photos combined with my big camera. I did use IG a lot but its not the same. I don't get fired up by the weight in my hands and the rolling of the shutter speed. This last week I photographed our day and while I am pretty rusty at photographing my own kids at home it was a healing experience. Like Kelle said, I had my church moment editing those photos.

My kids area beautiful, smart, full of love and life. They are incredible. I can easily tell when I am photographing them because I am in the moment, with purpose. I plan have more of these unbridled moments with them so be prepared for the photo overload that is coming your way.

And now for the things I have missed. Weston will be 16 months old in April. He is running, climbing, starting to sign back to us, and is obsessed with his brother/best friend. While he is still mild mannered most times he is showing us what youngest siblings are all about. He wants to be heard and have his feelings validated and if you don't.. if he thinks he is being pushed aside for any reason, boy will let you know. I find his overly dramatic tantrums laying face down on the floor sweet and welcome the excuse to validate his feelings and have a quick cuddle on the couch.

Ryan is a welcomed breath of fresh air. He is thriving in so many ways. He is back in school, he is learning to read, he is finally getting the fun of  "imaginative play" and wants to be he-man/power ranger/spider man at all times. He has even changed his name to Antonio (the gold power ranger) He makes me laugh and is sensitive to my needs and suggests we cuddle and take a nap every now and then. He keeps me on my toes, reminding me that stupid and hate are not nice words and lets me know what I should use instead. He prays with intent. He realizes his role as a big brother- a teacher, a friend, an ally, a companion, and an example. He will soon be celebrating his fourth birthday and is requesting a night at the Olive Garden with his grandparents instead of a big party. We are fine by that.

They are best friends. I knew they would be. While they have stubborn spats they love each other deeply and flow together well. Their personalities balance wonderfully and they are better off together than apart. While Ryan looks forward to sleep overs at Grandma's house they are both very pleased when its over and they are together again. I can't imagine one with out the other. Even 2.5 years apart, they are a packaged pair.

growing up is hard | a letter to Ryan

 first day of sunbeams at church

My dear monkey man,

I have had this letter to you in my head, it plays itself over and over the past year. I hope I can put into understandable words the things I am thinking.

You are going to be four years old this year, in about 4 months actually. And its hard for you. While there are some things about growing up that you like- getting to watch power rangers and walk in the parking lot, there a lot of things you don't like at all.

A lot of times you tell me you are still two, and too little to do the thing requested of you. You still want to sit in a high chair and use a sippy cup, you havent given up diapers completely, you'd rather be carried around, need to be cuddled to sleep every night, and insist on having help with pretty much everything (going potty, getting dressed, feeding yourself) if I let you, you would still sit in a bumbo and chill in a baby swing and/or jumperoo. yes you still fit in all of those.

I know you are able and are really good at all of those things. I know it is because you fear growing up and getting older. When you were a baby you had mommy to help you with everything and be with you for practically every moment of your life. Now that you are older, and you have a little brother I am no hands on as much. I request that you go get your own shoes from the basket in the hall and to sit at the table and eat a sandwich whole instead of cut into little bites because I am busy with a baby. I am sorry that I can't still do everything for you and that sometimes you feel left out.

But my son, let me tell you something. Growing up is incredible and you will love it. Now that you are bigger we can do so many fun things together. We paint, make forts, stay up late for movie and pop corn, have tickle fights, have lunch dates, and so much more. One of my favorite things we do together is just talk. I love laying in your bed with you and talking about life. We talk about everything from your favorite toy of the moment to what you want to be when you grow up (toy swords, and a scuba diver!) I feel like I really know you so well, and not just because I am your mom but because I have spent so many hours getting inside your head trying to understand you and the personality you were blessed to be born with.

Each year you will have more and more exciting things to look forward too! You will get to play sports, learn an instrument of your choosing, get to be in cub scouts and boy scouts, date, drive a car............ I can go on forever! While life is hard and growing up certainly has its rough spots- that is one I am still learning, life is something to be celebrated and enjoyed. I want to show you that there is something great in each phase of your life and fabulous things you can do.

Just like the baby stage was awesome, and the toddler stage was cool... this big kid stuff? It rocks, trust me and you're going to be GREAT at it.

Love,
mama

future daddy

ryan and weston decemeber 2011

One of my favorite things about my boys is the fact that they both LOVE babies. Yes, even Weston who is still a baby himself. Everywhere we go they stare at all the babies- Weston will climb over and pat their head (or smack them in the cheek) and Ryan has to say hello and I love you, even if we don't know them.

They are so much like me as a child, all I wanted was to be a mom and I wanted to hold every baby I could find. I still have two of my baby dolls from when I was a little girl, one of them I got when I was 2 years old.

My boys love to play with the baby dolls and I am a huge supporter of that. I am teaching them how to be grown ups- and I pray that they will be able to be dads someday. It is more than just monster trucks and throwing balls for me. So we have baby clothes, a cradle, and of course all the baby gear for Weston. One of the baby dolls spends more time in the jumperoo than my real baby! I like the fact that they are learning life skills and having fun with it.

Today Ryan told me he was playing mommy and I loved watching him rock his baby and pretend feed her (it was a girl her name was winnie today) then he asked me to show him how to change a diaper. He is such a kind loving little 3 year old boy, he melts my heart. I try to remember perfect moments like that in the middle of an early evening meltdown :)

Since Weston was born, Ryan has been in love with holding babies! He held West all the time and now with so many of our friends having babies he is in baby holding heaven. He is so good at it and will just sit quietly on the couch admiring their cute little face and kissing their hands. He whispers sweet things in their ears and there is always a few "I love you baby!"

I think he will have a big family someday and maybe even babysit.... or manny, ha you never know! I just love it.

toddler battles

Don't let this face fool you...

We are having a stand off right now over ONE bite of soup. I am going to just scream into my pillow I am so frustrated. Boy thinks he rules this house and can do/say/act however he wants. He gets disciplined but wont sit in time out, wont follow reward charts, won't do what he is told ever. He says no on everything, just to say no. I cant ask him to do something he wants to do- but if I ask him to listen all bets are off. 

He refuses to eat anything I make for dinner. He gets his own meal every night and I am so sick of it. I am raising him to be spoiled and selfish. He knows he can just scream and fight and eventually get his way. 

The problem is he has stamina. He will fight for HOURS on something. I have never "won" a battle with him because we fight for so long and then life happens and its time to leave the house, I have a meeting, somewhere to be, something to do, or its 2 hours past bedtime. I have never been able to just stick it out- therefore he knows if he fights long enough and screams loud enough he will get his way. 

I feel so trapped by parenting this toddler man child. Our neighbors just listen to the tantrums and screaming timeouts locked in the garage (I don't have anywhere else to put him and I would have to psychically hold him in a timeout chair or spot so hard he would have bruises) 

He is starting to manipulate us. I have to gain control. I have tried everything under the sun- rewards, praise, charts, games, timeouts, taking things away, grounding, flick on the cheek (when he screams NO at me) I have even done a bit of love and logic that everyone swears by. He literally doesn't care.

But get this- he is PERFECT for everyone but his parents. No one has issues, he listens, he helps. He isnt a BAD kid, he is actually pretty darn great. He just knows he has our number and uses it against us. 

I am just SO frustrated tonight, needed to vent. I am in for a long one, I am sure he won't sleep much due to being hungry. He has to take the dreaded bite of soup in the morning before he can have breakfast. If he doesn't eat breakfast he can't go to school.... you see the cycle here.... and I have a pretty big day planned for work already. 

But I have to stick to my guns, I have to be the head of this house, not my three year old.

Ryan, I promise this is for your own good. I love you and you will understand eventually and probably thank me for not letting you grow up to be spoiled rotten. 

xoxo,

Mom

balance, again.

This little blog life can be complicated. I don't ever want to deceive and I want to have full disclosure because I fear people will think I am being dishonest- But I want to stay positive and not let this be a dumping ground for every bad day and every frustrating parenting situation. I want to talk about the joys of motherhood and how happy I am in my role but be realistic that sometimes it sucks, sometimes I worry that I am not cut out for this.

I have said something similar to this on my blog every few months or so and in my tight knit group of blog mom friends I think we all feel the same- try to stay positive but be realistic, and when all else fails post cute pictures of our kids- because well, that makes everyone's day a little brighter.

This hunk o' love is going to be 9 months old next week. For real? Where did the time go?

And while I am all being honest and realistic and stuff- I have had 3 cans of diet coke today and finally feel like I have an ounce of energy. Now that Weston isn't nursing every 2 hours and my body is back to normal functioning woman mode, I am reminded why at one point in time I thought it was just best to be constantly pregnant or breastfeeding a small infant. But I will just deal, because no babies will be gracing this womb for quite a long while.

me and mine in Deseret News

A few weeks back I got an email from a reporter from my old home state of Utah! We talked a bit back and forth via email that day and then this evening I learned that the article she was working on had been published and was on the front page of Deseret News, the family section.

I know it was just a few lines and a few photos but I am sitting on cloud nine. Silly, but let me bask in this for a few days.

For the full article click HERE.

meet my friend, perspective

I am the oldest of 4 children. I grew up in a happy home with parents who are still married today. We went to church every Sunday and I spent my time playing house with my sisters and doing gymnastics. I always thought we would grow up to be sort of the same- same lifestyle, same view, same morals and beliefs. That we would all get married and have babies and be best friends. However we didn't- we are all very different and though I love them all I struggle with the whole family unity aspect. For example, my baby sister is a drug addict. She struggles daily and isn't in a place where she can accept the help we are so desperately trying to give her. The things she has and is going through are unimaginable and it kills me to see the path she is on.

Where am I going with this? It is all about perspective. I call my mom almost daily and half of the time in tears because I am so overwhelmed with my life. My house isnt clean enough, I ruined dinner last night, I cant fit into my clothes, my toddler is trashing my house and my emotional health, and I don't feel like my baby gets enough attention because he just gets the leftovers- a tired, cranky, worn out mom who's not fun to be around and is too frazzled to let the mama milk flow.

Then my mom ever so gently reminds me that I know where they sleep at night and how they spend their days. It hits me like a ton of bricks every single time. I can hug my babies, I can kiss their foreheads and smell their fresh-from-the-bath skin. I can play with them in the messy house I complain about and I can feed them ppb&j when I over salt the mac and cheese. They are here and they are safe.

I have friends and family who have angel babies in heaven, who have watched loved ones pass away, who have dealt with disease and sickness, who have struggled with things I can't even imagine. When I look around at the struggles other face I realize that I should gladly except my own. And when I think I can't possibly handle another minute I need to remember that I was given what I could handle and this life is for teaching and growing.

I shouldn't get so obsessed with perfection- in my house, with my kids, in my marriage, with myself. I should just love what I have and try my best to be better with the help of the Lord. I should be grateful for the little things. Sure Ryan accidentally punched me in the face (he was dancing?!) but when I was crying on the couch he came over and hugged my arm and asked to kiss it better. In a moment when I was filled with rage and pain I had to focus on the sweetness of my boy.

But friends, it is really freaking hard. When quiet time has turned into an hour of non stop screaming at the top of ones lungs in his room while I try to keep the baby focused on the boob, and then scramble to clean up  50 messes so I can make a new one when I cook dinner, all perspective goes right out the window. In that moment, NOTHING can be more unbearable.

___________________________________________________________________________________

Then I take it one step further. In the long run, the fact that Ryan stopped napping regularly (I get on average one a week now) in may wont matter. Or that he refuses to eat any meal I prepare and lives on mac and cheese and peanut butter sandwiches. I should just let it go. But then I have this irrational fear that if I do let it go, my children will grow up to be menaces of society because I let them get away with stuff as young children. I am a pretty strict parent but I break after hours and hours of fighting with him and then my mom pulls the perspective card again. Go get him from his room and just hold him. I know he is making you livid but he will only be three for a very, very short time. This phase will pass more quickly than you can ever imagine. Enjoy it while it is here.

I need to live in the moment more and enjoy the phase we are IN. I need to stop dreaming of the someday because when I am in my "someday" I will wish for another. I need to find the balance between having rules and raising respectful, responsible children, and then realizing that sometimes you just have to let go and live- take advantage of every passing minute and not waste my days in timeouts and stubborn stand offs.

It has already been 4 years since I got pregnant with Ryan. It still feels like yesterday when I saw a positive pregnancy test on the edge of the bathtub. These moments are going faster than I realize in the heat of it. This rant has been a lot of "I should" and "I need" I am going to make it "I am"

follow up on the bad mom

I just want to reach through this screen and hug every single one of you. I received the greatest feedback on my last post about the trials of parenting. So thank you, and you, and you, and you!

There is something I do want to clarify though- I hope that no one would ever read that and decide not to have more children. I was this tired and worn out with ONE kid. My deal was not about how hard having multiples are it was just parenting in general- 1 or 10 its all rough. I wouldnt trade anything in the world for the situation I am in now. My sons are the bestest of friends and I LOVE having more than one child. If I had my way every one would have more than one kid- but thats a whole other issue and a highly sensitive one at that, remember this is my blog, my opinions. I just love it so much and I know how much my kids love not being the only one. I want all kids to be happy like mine.

Anyway. Remember how I was having a bad day and all. Well then THESE happened and I went from sad crying to happy crying in seconds. Manic? Nope, just a mom. :)






awesome, huh.

on being a bad mom | the longest post ever.

I try my hardest to put my kids first. I dont always go out and do tons of activities, I dont can or make jam, I rarely sew, I dont craft much either. Not that those things are bad (heck I wish I could do them but I lack skills) but when I do them my kids suffer. They really like to have my attention 98% of the time, its fine by me too. I still have "lauren time" and hubs is SO great to know when I need a break and will send me to the mall for a 20 min chair massage or tell me to go get a pedi (yes, he even calls it that omg I'm lucky)

But for most of the time, its me and my kidlets. I love it, I truly do. They are only young for a short time and this time matters SO much, I will never get it back and they are growing so fast and changing daily. I would hate to be so busy I missed out. I love that I am breastfeeding Weston (thats a whole other post in its self) because it forces me to sit down and enjoy him. I cant pass him off for hours at a time to do other things. I have to focus on him. And since he is the second child thats vital to his development. Boys need their mama, and my boys in particular crave my undivided attention.

But you guys, its exhausting. I am so worn out its insane. This morning I stumbled down the hall into my bathroom- because somehow I ended up in Ryans bed and him in mine last night... and took a caffeine pill before I could even greet the day. I dont go to bed til midnight or 1 because after they go to bed its really the only time I have to myself and to get stuff done like the above mentioned things. Its when I clean too. Hubs is also in the middle of his MBA and doing homework til then every night and I have a hard time going to sleep without him. We have always gone to bed together every night since we got married. I can fall asleep but I always wake up when he comes in and I dont really like that. So anyway- I am tired. Ryan is so high energy he goes and goes all day. Weston is easy but he has so many needs right now and every one of them I have to be apart of. My brain says we should be done having kids but my heart says there is more to come and I am so nervous.

Honestly I dont really know where this post is going but its been so long since I sat down and just put the things in my heart to paper (keyboard) bear with me.

Today I am not the best mom, and it happens every now and then. I havent been sleeping well at night and they dont nap at the same time during the day- if Ryan even naps, we have been cutting them out slowly. As a matter of fact Weston woke up from an epic 3.5 hour nap right as I closed the door to Ryans room and said sweet dreams. Starting tomorrow Hubs is taking a vacation from work til next WEDNESDAY. To say I am a little anxious is an understatement. I keep staring at the clock on the wall waiting for 6:20 when he will come strolling in the door. I plan on being just as involved in the parenting over the break but I am eagerly looking forward to not doing it alone. Contrary to popular belief (or just hubs making jokes) I DO enjoy his company and DO want him around. In a perfect world we would both work from home and play every day together.

Anyway. Today I am having a hard time being a fun/silly mom. I dont want to take them swimming with the cousins, I dont want to jump on the bed while listening to the kids in motion CD, I dont want to share my food, I just want to sit and stare at the wall in quiet. I feel bad for it, but hey, its the truth. I know I am not the only one either. Being a SAHM or a WAHM is rough. We dont get lunch breaks or bathroom breaks, no one takes over when our shift is done. Sometimes I have to remind hubs that I dont get off work at 6 when he gets home, or even 8 when they go to bed. Its 24/7. I never thought it would be this hard but I am here to tell you IT IS.

Would I trade it for anything? Nope. So why do I do it day in and day out? Because hello, they are freaking amazing. They love me unconditionally, they love being around me, they want to play with me- even when I am not at my best like today. And when I fall short they forgive me with open arms. Because of them I live the way I do and love they way I do.My family is my world.

When I am having a bad day my mom gets a handful of calls from me- she always reminds me "you chose this" yes ma'am I did. So I am going to make the best of it for sure. I am going to try to give these kiddos what they need and what the deserve. As hard as it is and as lonely as it ca n sometimes be. Two kids is crazy hard and crazy good all at the same time. And in a few years I will let you know what 3 kids is like.

Since this is already ridiculously long I will just keep going...

I know we are supposed to home school. This is totally not for everyone but I just have the strongest spiritual/intuition/gut feeling its the path for this family. I am so scared. I cant imagine being this worn out and then not reaching the magical age of 5 when they go to kindergarten. I dont know how I will do it but its one of those things I am relying solely on faith. God will provide.

I dont want anyone to ever look at me through facebook/twitter/blog/business, or sunday afternoon at church and think I have it all together and wonder how I do it. Well I dont do it all! Like I said in the beginning there are tons of things I choose not to do at this phase in my life. You all just happen to see the things I do, do because they are internet related. I blog with at least one kid on my lap "helping" me type. I facebook update while I am brushing my teeth, I take pictures by bribing them with treats or games after, and luckily instagram doesnt take that much time but I will cruise through before I fall asleep or while I am in the bathroom (TMI sorry) I realize I am very active on social media and people comment on it all the time. I enjoy it so much. I have never had better friends in my life and its all because of social networking. I keep in touch with my longest best friend better and connected with my other bestest friend via facebook too. I like it because I do it for ME, it makes me happy. Its my way of escaping the daunting mom tasks like diapers and runny noses- and the plus is it doesnt take that much time. I can do 10 seconds here, 5 minuets there without it affecting my kids negatively. Yesterday put Weston in the ergo and took Ryan to my MIL's and picked 10 lbs of strawberries with the plans to make jam for the first time and it was a disaster. Its not something you can do a little and come back to (at least not for me) its a huge chunk of time that I cant give because after I hulled them, I turned around and Weston was trying to climb out of the bumbo and Ryan was naked and had pulled all the games out and dumped them on the floor. It also helps that I am a really fast writer- I have a blog idea and its up with pictures within 20 minutes usually. This post is the longest I have spent on something since the birth story.

While I am airing out my dirty laundry here- my house is always messy, unless I know someone is coming over. I clean/scrub every night when they go to bed and its trashed by 10 am the next day. So the cycle continues. I cant have it any other way though- we live here, it gets messy. I am super up tight and OCD about cleanliness so I cant let the day end without it sparkling again. That also very tiring. So no one better come over unannounced unless you love me unconditionally!

Okay I feel better. 4 hours til hubs home. ryan sleeping, weston playing with his tag on his blanket (seriously my kids and their flipping TAGS) I am sure once I hit publish I will think of more I wanted to get off my chest but for now we're good. If you made it through thank you. If you feel the same way or can relate pass this on to another mama.

xoxo