Thursday, April 14, 2011
My mind is swimming with so much this afternoon. Probably because I did the quickest google reader clear out known to man AND left comments for my peeps. I feel inspired, lifted up, humbled, and proud to be in this group of strong, God fearing women. Some days when I am feeling down or uninspired all I have to do is open my blogger and let the light pour in! Blogs about faith, righteous child rearing, wholesome marriages, adoption, service, forgiveness.. everything so positive. Sure we all get our moments where we complain and let our guard down and that is ok by me. Everyone deserves a quick pity party every now and then but the point is there is an end to the sadness. There is hope, grace, and faith.
Sometimes I wonder if this blogging thing is all really worth it. It takes time, lots of it some days. The networking, the posting, the pictures, the reading. But would I do it all over again- in a heart beat. Its because of all of you I have meet some of the greatest people and learned some of lifes most valuable lessons. I have shelves of life help, parenting, and "be the best you" books. In my humble opinion. This right here is all I need.
This boy is my light. I hate to admit that sometimes he is not enough. Sometimes I let my strong mom wall tumble down and let the ugly beast within show its face. The one where the house isnt big enough, toddler hangs on me too much, hubs cant do a thing right to save his life, dinner hasnt been made in days, my hair is too fried, and my boobs are sad. Where I look in the mirror and want to throw something at it because how DARE I let the devil into my thoughts this much. How dare I take one look at my self and think I am anything but beautiful.
I was reading a post and for the life of me cant find where it is now hopefully Kelle will email me with it soon. She was asked lots of questions about her blog- all things I already knew being a long time reader- but some of them stood out so strong to me at the time and still do. One of the questions was where do you find inspiration. Her answer- where do I NOT find it? I love this.
If I sit here, without moving much, and look around my house I can be inspired. The family photos that adorn my walls. I am part of something bigger than myself. I am part of this elite club of people, sealed together as a family for eternity.
I see toys scattered all over the floor. Signs that I was blessed to be a mother. That God trusted me with one of his choice spirits. He is healthy, he is happy, he is our joy.
I see our family year book. Its filled with stories and pictures (thanks to this blog!) reminding me of the life we have lived and all of the greatness we've shared.
I see my camera. A generous gift from my in laws. Probably one of the greatest temporal gifts I will ever be given. Through that lens I see the world in a different way. I notice the details that people are too busy to see. I capture the moments that are sometimes too fading yet can also impact a lifetime. I see beauty in the world when without it, it all seems to dark to bear. I can preserve precious moments of my life and of my son that I will cherish forever. I know I cant take them with me when I die but I can take the memories that they provide. I can take the lessons I learned when that moment happened and that is priceless.
I see photos of temples, quotes about family and love, artwork of the Savior. Always reminding me that I am not alone. He knows my fears, my struggles, my pain. He rejoices in my triumphs, my testimony, and my love. All of which I know are blessings from Him.
Today I, as Kelle, ask myself- what doesnt inspire me?