tomorrow

Two years ago today I was sitting at my in laws house watching TV and trying to relax. I was physically prepared to become a mother. We had the diapers, wipes, freshly washed onesies, and bassinet all ready to go. The hospital bags had been packed for 7 weeks. We even took the car seat out for a test run. I had carefully placed his little socks and hats in the drawers of our makeshift Rubbermade dresser and folded a few blankets over the edge of his bassinet. We didnt have a big grand nursery at the time but I wanted every minute of his homecoming to be just as special.

Emotionally, I was a different story...  in the blog entry from 2 years ago right now I shared what was going through my mind.

Tomorrow I will be a Mom. This is how I feel-
anxious
nervous 
joy
excitement
nausea
peace
calmness
love
joy
fear
humble
ready
grateful
shaky
happy
nurturing
elated
and so much more. My feelings are all over the board, I never thought that I could feel this way. I have some amazing mothers in my life and have an incredible mom and mother in law, I hope that I can live up to the greatness I have seen from others!

Looking at that list I can honestly say that I still feel all of them every day. Being Ryan's mom has stretched me to the limits of what I thought possible and then 10 paces beyond that. I have never had more gratitude in my heart for anything before. I am grateful for the good days, the smiles, the dancing, the cuddles. I am also grateful for the bad days, sleepless nights, fevers, and tantrums. Because he is here, healthy and beautiful, snoozing away in his bed as I type this. He is mine forever and I wouldn't have it any other way. 


Looking forward to tomorrow when I sit down to write him a letter on just how amazing these last two years have been. And yes, there will be lots of tears.