Friday, August 17, 2012

on preschool

This crazy kid starts preschool in 17 days. Someone hold me now. I swear I blinked for a second because I feel like it was yesterday that I held him for the first time. But then again, I cant remember what my life was like without him. I thought I knew what love was, I thought I knew pure joy. Nothing compares to being a mom. It may be the hardest thing I have ever done but by far the most rewarding.

Because every morning I am greeted with this sweet face and a kiss on the cheek saying "good morning mama" So now becomes the hard part about being a blog mom. There comes a day when talking about my kid's bathroom habits and freely sharing embarrassing comments and ridiculous tantrums needs to halt. He is not a baby anymore and I would never want him to look back and be embarrassed by the things I say and share about him as a big kid. He is growing up so fast and I would never want his teachers or his friends parents to look at him differently because of something they read here.

I will still tell stories, I will still post pictures and share funny sweet things he says to me. But we are going to make a shift. There will be a little more Weston and a little less Ryan, but I still love them both the same.

So like I said, he is starting preschool soon. I am so excited and ready for this phase of our lives. We have had a great, but very challenging few years under our belts and I am looking forward to the time apart where he can grow and learn how to be independent and I can dote over West more than I am able to now.

Preschool was something I never ever thought I would do. We are still planning on homeschooling after all. So how does that fit in to the equation? One of my best girl friends has an in home preschool. 10 kids, 2 teachers, both of which I know and we have the same religious beliefs. Not that I am against any other faiths at all or that faith will be taught in his school- but I know for sure that we are on the same wave length and have the same out look on life. We operate under the same set of inspired guidelines. I do not give trust to others easily when it comes to the care of my children and the thought of them being away from me terrifies me-- unless that complete trust is there. I know I can trust his teachers and the home he will be in to be a safe, uplifting environment. That is worth every penny on the planet to me.

He is going 2 days a week for 3 hours. During that time I am planning on playing with Weston, going grocery shopping when the sun is still up (I seriously go at 10pm) and being able to schedule photo shoots and run my business so that when hubs is home we can actually have some time as a family to relax and play. I am also going to start researching home school curriculum options. I have 2 years before we start but I want to get a heads up and really have a plan set in stone.

He is a pretty smart cookie going into this. He knows all his letters and most of the sounds they make, all his colors, shapes, understands the jist of basic addition and subtraction and can recognize a few words. I am so excited for all the things he is going to learn and the new friends he will meet.

I am very, very nervous as to how he will react that first few days when I drop him off. He still cries so hard he turns purple most weeks when I take him to his class at church- which we go to every sunday and hes been in the same class for a year. He is going to lose it and I feel so bad. It's not that he is just naughty and doesnt want to go. He is literally terrified and you can see the sheer panic gloss over his eyes. I can feel his brain ticking a million miles a minute- he starts to sweat and his heart races. Then the begging to stay with him and hold him while is clammy palms grip my shirt in desperation. I hate it when my kids feel anything negative, they have a whole lifetime of that, lets not have it when they are 3. Ugh that will be hard. But there will be more good than bad, I have to remind myself of this.

In other news- I feel the urge to go school clothes shopping. Have you looked at Gap lately?! 

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