Little man is sick. Hes been sick for almost a month. It pulls at my heart strings to hear him whimpering and coughing alone in his crib at night. It makes me want to burst into tears when I go in to check on him and his sweet little baby face is covered in tears and boogies.
So last night I caved, as any mother does, and brought my little sickie into bed with me. I used to beg for the nights where he would sleep peacefully in his own room. But now I can see the first 4 months of co-sleeping came and went like a speeding train. Too fast to take it all in. Ryan rolled around, coughed, and sighed. Every few seconds he would reach over and brush my cheek as if to ask "mommy are you still there" He would roll over and bury his feverish head in the crook of my neck and I would hum to him, letting the vibration of my voice sooth him back to slumber. Then it was daddy's turn. He would little spoon against his father and I could tell they were breathing in the same rhythm. I fell asleep watching his long eye lashes rest on his cheek. I think its healthy to not always stick to the rules. Everyone needs a little give sometimes.
Flash forward to the next morning. For some reason our TV wasnt showing any picture, just sound. It kind of blew up from there. Every morning we rub our tired eyes, slump out to the family room and turn on the best channel ever. Nick Jr. I should send them a thank you card. Ryan and I will cuddle on the couch til we both decide its time for breakfast and he will watch Miss Sunny's Spider Patch til the toast pops and I am waiting with the bib and high chair tray in hand. Not today. Ryan was so eager to help out in the kitchen he pulled my pants down twice and blew up when I told him he couldnt have ketchup for breakfast. In the high chair he went and ate yogurt with ketchup and toast with ketchup. This was not a battle I wanted to tackle.
While eating his yogurt and ketchup, the ketchup won and splat went the yogurt. All over my carpet (our whole dining room is carpet, explain how that is a good idea) I didnt even know where to start. Do I scrape it up with a large spoon or wipe it with a rag? Will it smell like spoiled dairy tomorrow? On the shopping list- resolve carpet cleaner.
Later on we were having a snack of string cheese ( I am noticing a pattern here, food is always a trigger) and all the sudden Ryan comes running over with red swollen eyes and the look every mom fears. I could tell by his face and the gagging sound that it was coming back up. He took my hand and went on to regurgitate soggy half chewed string cheese all over it. At least he tried to stay clean- unlike the last time he threw up.
As I was checking work emails I hear the sound of the toilet flushing. It was only Ryan and I in the house and we dont have any ghosts. I walked around the corner and scared the stuffing out of him because he knew he was being naughty. Say bye bye to half a roll of T.P.
Remember that sweet little cuddly boy from last night? I want him back, even if he rubbed snot in my hair. This is real life, and mom needs a vacation.
I need a vacation from the kicking, screaming and poop smearing that happens when I change a diaper, I need one because of the embarrassing temper tantrum/panic attacks he has in public. I need a vacation from the toy throwing, feet stomping, and breath holding that happens when I say no.
I love my son more than life itself but I think its time that life cuts me some slack.