Brought to you by MamaKat
This one time I was sleeping and.......
Then next thing I know I was no longer in my warm, perfect bed with my comfy wrestling quilt, the one my MIL made for my husband so he can always remember how much he ruled the mat. It wasnt the sound of monkey's lullaby coming through our thin apartment walls or the glow of street lights sneaking through the slits in the window blinds.
I was in the heart of Nicaragua. Part thick lush rain forrest, part war torn, drug lord capital. At least thats what it seemed to me when I was dropped down in the middle of the street. I could run and disappear into the solid green forest to my right right but I was stronger than that. I knew I had a mission to complete. I was in a suit, with heals of course. The ones that mean business, that I was here to kick some serious booty. I felt the weight on the side of my slacks from my government issued firearm and badge. Then they saw me, a band of large, gold chain wearing thugs... My heart stopped for a second then sped up again beating three times the normal pace.
Then I was on the mat, watching my awesome gymnasts perfect routines that I had been hoping for all season. Each move flowed from the next, like angels. But something was wrong. I was so irritated. But they were so great. I dont know if it was the bright florescent lights or the smell of bar chalk and sweaty feet in the air. I look down. I have no pants on. I can feel my face turn the color of Christmas red and my hands get so sweaty it could have masked the smell of the fore-mentioned feet.
Oh good, I am at dinner now. With my loving, handsome husband. I have a wicked sweet dress on I have never seen before, I hope he doesnt realize its new and way out of our price range. (somehow I knew those things, whatever) But it doesnt matter. Tonight I feel hot. There is no diaper bag under the table and I do not smell of baby poop and butt wipes. Then another woman walks across the room and I feel the hubs eyes follow her. She is getting closer. Finally she comes and sits down at OUR table. "babe there is something I need to tell you" gasping for air I know what is coming. All the late hours at work. All the times his phone rings and he disappears into the other room and speaks in whispers. She is not as pretty as me so I dont quite understand. But I brace myself, griping the table leg. "I have been keeping something for you from a while now and I think now its the perfect time to tell you.." my blood is boiling now, how dare he.
"this is our new housekeeper, she is going to come a few days a week and help you out, ya know do the dishes and stuff cause I know how much you hate that. happy anniversary! I love you!"
Then I am flying, I dont know why.. but it feels so good. Lets stay here forever.
"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" "waaaaaaaaaaaaa mom mom mom mom" My eyes peek open, its 9:12am. And I am still so tired. My back aches and my neck is sore. I am super groggy still. (yes my son sleeps in really late, dont hate) No wonder, I was really busy last night, again. I get up trying to brush it all off and move on with my day.
Yes I am a bit of a crazy sleeper. Hence my diet coke addiction. I promise you all of these dreams are real. They did not all occure on the same night but if I dream this is usually how it goes. One circus freak of a mess to the next. Try not to look at me like a weirdo from now on.