Tuesday, November 1, 2011

mama bear and pregnancy hormones.

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I am using my pregnant card quite frequently around these parts. I pull it when I have to go potty and we've only been in the car 2 minutes, when I am hungry for cereal and we are out of milk (thank you hubs!) when I have had a bad nights sleep and dont want to get up with Ryan, when I dont feel like cooking dinner or cleaning the house.

I think I am also using it lately with my parenting of Ryan. I am hormonal thats no lie. I am also a big mama bear. Dont mess with my baby, dont make him cry, dont make him scared... a you mess with my baby you mess with me kind of attitude. This is true for nursery at church, for babysitters, for grandparents, sometimes for daddy even. I dont want anyone messing with Ryans happy state. I dont want him uncomfortable or sad or scared or in pain. I dont want him to feel an ounce of it. I am always an advocate for my child but I have never been this big of a softy! I am blaming it on two key things-

Pregnancy: He isnt going to be my only baby much longer. I wont be able to drop it all for him and help him any time he wants or do whatever he needs in an instant. He is going to have to share my arms and my time. Thankfully I have learned already he can in fact share my heart. I am letting him soak up every moment of just US time for the next month and a half. I dont care what people say he is going to have to get used to sharing me eventually there will be no way around it. Why make him suffer now for no reason? Bring on the mama time :)

He is getting older: Call me crazy but I had an easier time with time outs, crying it out for bed,  putting him in church nursery for 2 hours, and leaving him screaming in the babysitters arms when he was younger. I know it sounds weird because he is older now and more capable of dealing with these things. But folks thats the worst part. He is older now, more aware, and never forgets. He still talks about things we did 4 months ago like it was yesterday. I know that he remembers me leaving him for Hawaii and how hard it was to be apart for so long. He has had a really rough time being back, he is having more panic attacks in the middle of the night, he is scared when I walk out of the room, he sobs when I leave him with someone else. Some might not agree but I really feel like the things we do now will play a part in the older child/teenager/adult he will become. When he was 9 months old I didnt mind as much if he felt upset when we went on a date because he wouldnt remember the next day. I cant bear the thought that he will remember screaming in the sitters arms tonight as we went out (we ended up coming home early because I couldnt take it)

I have enough battles to deal with him already, he DOES cry and he DOES get upset during the day. I am not walking on egg shells I promise. But in my pregnant, hormonal, mama bear, paranoid opinion why make him go through that with anyone else when we already have enough of it between the 2 of us. We argue over eating, sleeping, and wearing clothes. I dont need anything else. I just want him to be as happy as he can at all times. And when he is not happy it makes me crazy, I get sweaty and my heart races. I kind of freak out really (of course when I have to put him in time out or whatever thats fine cause I was in control of it)

I am losing it I realize this. But I am pretty darn content being his super hero these days and making everything better. There is no greater feeling that him running into my arms with a big sigh of relief and a kiss on the cheek.

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