Lucky duck for you this picture has nothing to do with the story I am going to tell you. Dont be sad him sitting "zizi apple" or criss cross apple sauce is way better than covered in barf in the back of my car.
We left at the beginning of rush hour on Friday afternoon to head to Mimi and Papi's house for a nice weekend away. I was armed with snacks, chocolate milk, books, a baby doll, an Elmo, and the dvd player. No one was going to get in my way from point A to B. 30 minutes in my little ball of joy was screaming in the back seat that he wanted DEE (down) and he didnt want to go to Mimi's house anymore. I could manage because I was still cruising along a a sort of legal 75 mph. Then we hit bumper to bumper traffic. I had to tinkle, Ryan was still UHAHAUAHAUH (done) so I caved and gave him my phone to play an awesome preschool learning monkey game and it was peaceful once again minus the lack of bathroom issue for me.
About 20 min later the worst sound ever came from my back seat. I have said this before about screaming in the night in his crib or the temper tantrums in public but no friends this was far worse. Gurgling and spitting. I look back to see him projectile vomit the chocolate milk and popcorn he had been downing for the last 2 hours. He was still holding my phone which was now covered. It also made it up to the dvd player that was strapped the back of the passenger seat and all over him, the car seat, and the floor.
Shoot me now. It didnt stop, he barffed about 5 or 6 more times it was like a fountain it didnt stop. I was screaming and he was crying "mommy happy!" mid breaths. About an hour later (2 minutes really) when I got to pull over on the freeway I wanted to just curl up in a ball and wait for someone to come save me. I had no towels, I had no bags for dirty clothes.
I pulled him out and got myself covered in chocolatey goodness as well. The only logical place to put him was on the back of the car. Part of me was mad no one pulled over to help the other didnt blame them. I should have snapped a picture of my 2 year old naked on my car on the side of the freeway but my phone was still swimming in puke at the time. Then I rememered the wipes were IN my suitcase IN the back in the car so I picked him up nekkid and then with one arm had to open the trunk, take out the suit case, unzip it, and pull out clean clothes and the costco pack of wipes. I went through almost the whole pack to clean him and the car up. I found a box in the back seat that I put everything in- I was tempted to leave it all on the side of the road but opted for the trunk instead.
As I was getting him dressed a cop FINALLY pulled over and asked if I was changing a diaper. I yelled over the hum of passing cars I WISH. And made sure he was a dad before I let him come any closer. If he hadnt had kids this for sure would make him sterile the rest of his life. He gave ryan a barfy bag and taught him how to use it, and helped me get back on my way.
Now when he see's the barf bag he tells me how he threw up all over the place with really loud BLAH's. Thank you Ryan.