Sunday, October 31, 2010

day 4. a piece of my soul

 Something you have to forgive someone for.

Today I will be forgiving a group of people.. well a group of girls. We all know them, there are movies and songs about them. We all cringe when we hear the names of them. Thats right ladies..
Mean girls.
*shiver* I have encountered far too many mean girls in my day. I dont know how that happened but it did. From 1st grade to college there they were. I am too busy to keep up with them anymore so I just ignore it but there they are always lurking, waiting for you to leave the house in your sweats or go to lunch with no makeup on.
So I am now going to work on forgiving and forgetting, forgetting being the hard part. I have poor self esteem and am very self conscious because of the mean things I have heard. In elementary school it was because I was abnormally tiny! I was made fun of my weight, my chicken legs, and my pointy ears (thank goodness I have grown into those) I remember being told that “my mom says you are going to die because you are too skinny” I was in 4th grade and freaked out, I thought it was true. But it'\s not my fault I was a 6 week preemie weighing in at 4lbs when I was born.
In jr high it was because I wasn’t allowed to be a mall rat and go to parties with my “friends” I was called a *itch and other things. I got pushed around, teased, and mocked. I was never “cool” enough to hang with the popular kids and my mom would have died if she knew the kids at school who kind of accepted me. The skater/Goths. Which was weird because here I was “molly mormon” and none of those things!
When we moved to Rexburg during high school, I was the awkward one out because no one moved in, no one left. No one knew what to do with me. So I ate lunch alone as the pretty girls sat and gawked at my flat hair and fleece jacket for the first 3 months. And as a coincidence my best friend in town ended up being a girl who also moved in, a week before I did! I think we may have both struggled with the same thing but dont quote me on that. I know I struggled to find my place. And the place I eventually settled was not a place that would make my momma proud. I feel like I wasn’t even given the chance, my life from then on would have been so different if people would have given me the chance, a REAL chance not the “oh Hi my name is so and so but I will never talk to you again kind of chance.”
Luckily now I have found my place and THRIVE in it. Sometimes I still wonder if my legs are too chicken-y or if someone thinks I am cool. But my husband loves me and tells me I am smoking (thanks so much babe you have no clue how awesome you are for that) I have great friends, real friends. Friends who love me when I have a hard time loving myself.
So there ya go, from now on, I will leave the mean girls in the past. I will take each day and find the good, the beautiful, and the great. I hope that I can raise great daughters who love themselves and feel beautiful. I hope that they are the nice girls who befriend the new kid and sit next to someone in the lunch room who isn’t “cool” I saw this video a while back and it inspired this post. Take a looksie.

Woah I didn’t realize that this was all pent up inside me…

to see the rest of my 30 days or to start your own, go here


Miss Mouse and Me said...

if it makes you feel better...i was jealous of how skinny you were in elementary school. you were short and skinny and i was tall and chubby. i would have done anything to be shorter and thinner. (i have a horrible memory so i have no idea if i picked on you...i am sorry if i ever did)
I was picked on a lot too and it always makes me feel good to think about where those people are now. going nowhere job, jumping from boyfriend to boyfriend, getting drunk every weekend. while we have wonderful husbands, and we are amazing mommies to some beautiful babies! you are awesome lauren...don' ever forget it

Mandy said...

Oh how I know those mean girls. I have felt their gawks. And.... sadly...there might have been a time or two I might have been considered one of them. That was short-lived and I have been since humbled. My biggest hope is that my children can grow up with the confidence and self-esteem that I didn't. Especially since my children will be growing up in the church (I did not), I hope they can draw strength from it.
I am so happy to hear that you have found your place to thrive! You're a wonderful person!

Kayli Sue said...

Wow this was an eye opener for me! I had no idea you were ever picked on! To me you have always been drop dead gorgeous and amazing! I totally get the short thing. I wasn't even a preemie so I don't have an excuse other than being the runt of an already short family. I seriously never would have guessed that you were the odd woman out! Girls can be so mean. I'm deffinitely going to raise my kids to be the nice kids. Not the mean one's. We deffinitely need more of those!

AmyLee said...

oh my goodness, isn't it crazy now that you were made fun of for being skinny?? i'm sure 99% of those girls would now DIE to look like you ;)

mean girls suck. and kids can be so mean. i've felt the wrath of mean girls (8th grade... shudder!!) and i'm scared to have a girl someday for that reason.

Jency and Joey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

So wish I could have read the unedited version! I HATE mean girls. I pray that my girls will not be those mean girls and will somehow escape their wrath their entire lives. It is just ridiculous how awful we are to each other growing up. I don't know that I would have the strength and courage to blog about it and put it out there.
Way to go!

Sara & Saylor said...

I too wish I read the unedited version! I LOVED that! You are amazing Lauren and from the moment I met you I have ALWAYS been envious of you. You are GORGEOUS and such an awesome mom! Love you and miss you!

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